“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ― Oprah Winfrey
What is pain? Whether it be physical, emotional, or psychological it hurts, this could occur when feeling it or when thinking about it, but what exactly is it? We have lived most our lives with incidents we wish that would never happen to other people. Today’s topic will look at psychological pain. Psychological pain is a pain that we remember, it is of the past, a memory attached with emotion. This could include the pain of being bullied by others, based on looks, the way you dress or the way you speak, not being accepted by family members for who you are and the choices you like. Pain can also come from relationship problems such as, being cheated on whilst being in a relationship, not being accepted for who you are, or getting over a breakup. It is significant memories of course because you learn from it and it hurts. But what do you do with these memories of the past? Generally, it is normal to be more closed up about your life and carry on living the way you do, repressing your memories of the past pretending nothing ever happened, that’s one way to “forget” it or you vent about it to everyone you meet to seek approval of who you are, how you have not been recognised in life, and how you have had it hard. The purpose of this blog is on how to be free of the past pains you have faced in your life, how to be free of the emotion of the memories that you had once been through.
For me to get over the pains of the past was tremendous. I was bought up being labeled as shy, so wherever I went my introduction would start with “he’s shy” it was a label I started to believe for myself, inside of school I carried the same label of being shy and acted in that way, so I wouldn’t speak much and was a victim to bullying because of it, physical and verbal abuse was how my day went from 8:45-3:15. My self-esteem was really low, I was bullied, I was fat and lonely and didn’t speak for myself. Time after time my confidence broke in myself, I wouldn’t share anything with my family and I became really closed off about my past at such a young age, after time as you grow up, you just get used to being bullied, so I used to laugh it off, repressing my own memories of the past, always hopeful that tomorrow might change but it never did. I constantly was seeking approval outside for who I was, I got no answers and felt no approval. Every time the memories were remembered there was emotion, I pitied myself for being weak, anger, rage, constantly questioning myself why did it happen to me I was broken, I felt broken.
“One thing you can’t hide – is when you’re crippled inside.” ― John Lennon
Everything changed for me after I started meditating and reading books on personal development it was amazing for a few years, my view and uptake on life changed, however still I wasn’t satisfied, my memories of the past were still not resolved, still haunting me in my dreams, I was attached to the pain and emotions of it. Every time the mind went back to it, emotions followed, I realised that I hadn’t accepted my past for as it was and was still resisting it. Until I came across a technique in a meditation book. As you know whether you are aware of it or not, your thoughts change on a moment to moment basis, I also became aware of the subtle changes I went through on a moment to moment basis and realised for myself that nothing is fixed in life, neither are your choices or your mind made the personality of yourself. So in the memories of the past, I was a different person, of course, I am not the same person now so why am I still emotional about it, why does it still hurt? It was because I couldn’t forgive myself. However once I realised that everything is ever changing and nothing is fixed in life, I realised I could let the memory go also. But how to do that? It was painful, but I had to go to the root of the memory. Remembering as much as I can about the incidents of the past and realising for myself that it wasn’t anyone else’s fault that I suffered, it was my own fault. By and by I went down to the root of it and realised it doesn’t matter anymore. It means nothing, I am not the same person anymore. The feeling of letting go on a deeper level was experienced for the first time, my body felt lighter, and I became free of the burden I was carrying for a long time.
So the solution, how to get rid of your past memories, that have caused you pain, or make you feel like crap when you remember them. You need to understand that the more clear your mind is the easier it will be for you to get down to its root. Sit down in a quiet place comfortably, close your eyes and just breathe, focus on the breath going inwards and outwards for 10-15 mins, once your mind has become quiet look back to a memory that you have not yet resolved, many people will come and be involved in this memory, you need to be aware that to blame others is easier than to blame oneself, it is a normal human tendency to blame others and play the victim card. You need to dismiss that idea completely and be aware of your actions in the incident and the memory that is causing you pain, by and by you will realise something for yourself of the incident, once you go to its root you will see for yourself your own actions in the incidents, and realise that wait actually it wasn’t anyone else’s fault, it was your own. Once you learn to accept the memory for as it is and see it for yourself, you will be free of the emotion that goes with it and free of the burden that you have been carrying for a long time now. Please understand that the origin of suffering is attachment, you need to be free of attachment of the painful memories you have identified yourself with.
“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” – JK Rowling
Enough for today
If you have any further questions email me at firstname.lastname@example.org