“Love is the bridge between you and everything” – Rumi
Do you love yourself? Generally when asked this question many answer with a default response “Yes, I do”. But what is love? For me, the concept of self-love is pure acceptance of oneself totally and unconditionally, at any given moment. You constantly go on telling yourself in your head that you will be happier with yourself once you accomplish/achieve your desires created by your mind, do you not? You constantly drag yourself through hell and work towards your goals that may really just be for approval that you have been seeking for many years now from your parents, to accept you as you are right?. When you set goals, do you really do it for yourself, or do you do it for approval of friends, family or society in general? If you really loved who you were, would you not trust every decision you make, without getting opinions of others on your decisions? I am not saying it is bad to listen to the opinion of others, as you THINK they will give you the right advice, but at the end of the day if they are as indecisive with their own life, and depend more on their mind than their hearts, how can you trust their answer to be right? Clearly, you can’t because they have lived the same life, of seeking approval and acceptance of others in order to be where they are right now. Maybe they seem happy in your eyes, but that’s just a mask they are portraying to you, inside they may be a wreck, even they are suffering from the repetitive insecure mind that’s a disease to mankind.
Love cannot be something that can be calculated by the mind, it just happens, it is spontaneous when you fall in love with someone, it does not happen through calculated steps, it is spontaneous, and you are not even aware that you have fallen in love, until the feeling of it’s right crosses your mind. When one is in love with someone else, they will change as a person as a whole. This is because the biggest thing love will teach you is to sacrifice one’s ego for another, of course, it is very hard, hence why most relationships don’t last. The mind wants to live so it will destroy the experience of love with whatever it can whether it be the repetition of bad memories of the past in every conversation, seeking drama or anxiety of what may happen in the future (assumptions of the future basically). However, love is not possible if one does not sacrifice and adjust to the way the other is vice versa. Many people are afraid of Love for this very reason. Parents bring their kids up, securely because they are insecure about the kids and daughters falling in love, so they constantly restrict them. When one is restricted they become more rebellious and go against their parents.
Really all one wants is a person that can understand them and accept them for who they are. But if you can’t accept yourself, how can you expect that understanding from another? How can you possibly love someone totally, if you don’t love yourself? In love the biggest realisation happens, the one where you start understanding yourself more about who you are and what you really want to do in life. In love you go against everyone, even your parent’s restrictions, have you noticed? This is because it feels good, it feels right, you are in the moment, there is no worry, just joy of being, in the partner’s presence. However, love starts disappearing when one starts expecting the same experience of joy in the relationship. When one starts to become more used to the opposite they start questioning everything they do, the acceptance of the other, changes now, as the masculine energy whether it’s in the male more or the female, brings about control in the relationship, power and politics occur, and judgements of one another more frequently, making the relationship of what once was love into something ugly and with conditions. When the man tries to rule the woman, and change the way she is, the way she lives, is when it all starts, the man portrays his insecurities, by being controlling, getting more irritated, making nothing something and more drama. The man has always had the belief that they are more superior, than the woman, so they will constantly have power trips over the woman. It is not always the case of course, but it works in certain patterns. Conditions, lack of communication and understanding are three main reasons why cheating and breakups occur.
So what to do, nothing last’s in life, so the experience of love should not be consistent either, of course, the mind tries to live consistently, but that is only because you are unconscious of the patterns of the mind. Even with yourself, you try to remain consistent, if you become more aware you will realise how much you actually suppress just to remain consistent in the eyes of another. Changes occur every moment, so the feeling of love should be cherished and appreciated every moment, because not many people can experience and share love, with another, of course, that’s because of their own insecurities, and stubbornness with what they believe to be true, but oh well.
To be free of these patterns in a relationship one has to be more aware, of where one is going wrong. Question yourself, how are you expecting the other to change for you if you haven’t accepted your own insecurities about yourself? Second is, ask yourself, do you really love yourself? If you really do, control from your side in the relationship will disappear as you have now become content with yourself so there will be no need for the other to change. If you can truly accept yourself as you are, you won’t have a problem accepting anyone as they are. Please be aware, if you can’t show your original face and nature in a relationship, and have to use masks to hide behind your insecurities, then your relationship is a lie. Furthermore, if you feel like you are suppressing, speak up, don’t be pushed around, you don’t owe anyone anything. Love is a positive phenomenon, don’t ruin it with conditions, and don’t be suppressed because you feel like you owe them, speak up or leave. Be more independent, less dependent, improve yourself. Don’t let your past ruin your present moment, there is always time to change, and finally, respect yourself.
Enough for today
Thank you for reading, If you have any further questions email me at wisdombeyondmind@gmail.com
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